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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat of your Daily, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to discover that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity playing for City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|